


DNA isn't that complicated

by HelloThere3306



Category: The Umbrella Academy (Comics), The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Reginald Hargreeves' A+ Parenting, That good ol' Hargreeves disfunction, no beta we die like ben
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-12
Updated: 2020-06-12
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:20:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24672232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HelloThere3306/pseuds/HelloThere3306
Summary: The one where Luther and Five find out that they're twins. Or, they were.
Relationships: Number Five | The Boy & Luther Hargreeves
Kudos: 128





	DNA isn't that complicated

"So," Klaus began. "I probably should have mentioned this before, but, heh, with all the stuff going on it was hard to find a time."

The Umbrella Academy members, having avoided the apocolypse by showing Vanya some tender love and affection, now held weekly 'sibling soirees,' the name being Allison's brain child. This weeks was held in Diego's room, with all of his knives and targets and boxing posters on display on the walls and dressers. Every week the location changed between Diego's, Allison's, or Luther's rooms. Vanya wanted her room to be her private spot, as did Five, and Klaus and Ben just preferred not to be in theirs, so they stayed in the first three siblings's rooms. 

Five wondered what was so important that it could change the boisterous Klaus into someone somber and serious.

"It's okay Klaus." Vanya mumbled, her voice a trepidation filled whisper. "You're telling us now, and that's what matters." 

Allison and a corporeal Ben nodded in silent agreement. 

Klaus glanced around their sibling circle and began, breath trembling anxiously. "W-well, when I...talked to dad and he said all that stuff about the apocolypse and junk, there was another thing he mentioned but it wasn't really important at the time, and I wanted to ask Pogo and mom for the truth before saying anything. Then. Er. Pogo uh," Klaus glanced at Vanya and waved his hands dismissively, "y'know, and mom was glitchy and wouldn't answer, so I had to find out myself."

Diego growled. "Get on with it."

Klaus crossed his arms over his chest and scowled at Diego. "Well, you don't have to be rude!"

" _Please,_ get on with it."

Klaus gave a wavering smile and mockingly clapped his hands. "Way to go, Di!"

Diego scowled, and Five knew Klaus was stalling for time. He didn't want to tell his siblings the information he'd kept from them.

It must be bad then.

At Allison's stern stare, Klaus sighed and scrunched his eyes shut. "Dad told me that Luther and Five are twins."

There was a moment of silence, and then laughter. All eyes turned to Diego. " _Them?_ Twins? That's like saying hot and cold feel the same."

Allison raised an eyebrow at Five's look of contemplation. Vanya glanced worriedly at a gobsmacked Luther.

"Well, that's what he said! And there was no bridge to that conversation either, it was like," here, Klaus did an impression of their father in the most evil sounding voice he could. "'Number Four, you have so much potential. Also, One and Five came out of the same uterus.'"

Allison scrunched her nose at the imagery, and spoke with her damaged voice, "it's not that surprising."

Diego turned an incredulous stare at their sister. "How?"

"Well, they're both stubborn and smart. I mean, Five's more book smart and Luther's more about strategies, but the brains are still there."

Vanya nodded slowly. "I mean, they don't look anything alike...but that's probably because of the circumstances of our birth anyways."

Finally, Luther managed to shake himself out of shock and join the conversation. "I'm not complaining, but... _Five?_ I would've expected being twins with...I don't know...none of you."

Five scoffed, momentarily drawing the attention of his siblings before poofing away and into the kitchen. He needed some coffee if he was going to continue such a conversation. And no one would know if he added a little something more to it, just for a bit of zing. He took the coffee cold, it had cooled down from that morning and he wouldn't waste resources warming it, and black. He lingered in the kitchen a little longer than necessary, thinking about what his siblings expected of him in the situation happening upstairs. He needed to say something, but whether Luther would want to embrace the change or ignore it, Five couldn't tell. He was a space-time jumper, not a mind reader. Deciding to read the mood in the room, he zapped back into the room just in time to hear Luther's absentminded mumble.

"Why wouldn't dad tell us?"

Five wished he'd stayed in the kitchen longer, because the room went quiet and it seemed like an awfully inopportune moment to be in the room. He sighed, quietly placing himself on the outside of the circle. All of them knew that Luther was still struggling with the betrayal he'd felt at Reginald's neglect. Everyone else had realized their father was an awful person in their teenage years, but Luther had only began accepting it in the last year, only because of the apocolypse incident. 

He seemed to notice that he'd ruined the mood, as his face went red and he hurried to stutter out an explanation. "I only mean that there was no consequence in telling us, but he didn't."

Vanya answered in her signature mumble. "That's just how dad was."

Five decided it was his time to speak up. "Well, even if we were twins, we aren't now."

That had caught their attention. Klaus raised his eyebrows. "Excusez-moi?"

Five took a large gulp from his mug and deployed his cold stare on his siblings. "Luther's DNA has been changed in obvious ways, and mine has been warped both by time travel and by the temps."

Allison deployed her own stare - the worried one that made him feel as if he needed chicken noodle soup and cuddles. "What did they do to you?"

Five smiled the smile that people described as psychotic, though he thought it looked charming. "They only mashed my DNA with every other serial killer and assassin in existence, creating a melting pot of every criminal mind and strategic king that has ever lived." 

Five grinned at the varying expressions of horror and shock among his siblings. As an after thought, he added, "they also halted my aging, but that doesn't apply to me anyways and quite frankly I don't care how old I am."

Luther recovered first this time, biting his cheek and staring at the floor. "Well, I guess we _aren't_ twins then."

Five frowned. Why was Luther upset about that? Why did Diego look ready to murder him? Why were Vanya and Klaus and Allison sharing secret looks that Five couldn't read because he didn't grow up with them? 

Allison glared at Five steadily. "Why didn't that come up during your share time?"

Five rolled his eyes. Allison really was a mom. "Because, why does that matter? It was a painless operation, and I hardly feel the difference anyways."

Diego's eyes bulged. "Operation?"

This would be a long night.

**Author's Note:**

> The part about Five having DNA from a bunch of assassins and serial killers and stuff is from Dallas. Also, for context, Vanya killed Pogo but didn't blow up the whole house, so Grace still lived and the house is still whole. That's just what worked for this story, so...yeah.
> 
> Also, may have typos, don't judge me.


End file.
